Tim Kreider’s “Referendum”

“It’s funny because it’s true.”

(from the article) “The Referendum is a phenomenon typical of (but not limited to) midlife, whereby people, increasingly aware of the finiteness of their time in the world, the limitations placed on them by their choices so far, and the narrowing options remaining to them, start judging their peers’ differing choices with reactions ranging from envy to contempt.”

In Honor of Dr. Dugga

“O.K., let’s slowly lower in the grant money.”
Todd Bearson
Arlington, Mass.

(From The New Yorker, July 20, 2009)

Shankopotamus

I don’t mean to promote ETrade, but I love these, particularly the facial expression on “Learn to fly again!”

And the official “outtakes.”

Onelinerz.net

These guys collect a bunch of one-liners from all over the web.  Funny.

So far my favorite is, “If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.”

Neologisms

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.  (Thanks to RB for pointing this out.)  The winners are:

1. Coffee (N.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (V.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (V.), to attempt an explanation while drunk..
5. Willy-nilly (Adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (Adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (V.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (N.), olive-flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (N.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (N.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (N.) , a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (N.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (N), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (N.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Circumvent (N.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Last regrets

Okay, drugs can make you stupid

Warning: Drugs make other people stupid

Good article today by Todd Hartley in his regular weekly column in The Aspen Times called “I’m With Stupid.”  Phelps, A-Rod, drugs, hyprocrisy and demented priorities – it’s all good.

Not exactly Maple Street, Springfield

Some very funny, very unfortunately named streets and other locales from this post at YesButNoButYes.

Here’s a sample, from St. Andrews, Scotland:

Statusitis

Statusitis
The inability to stop yourself from thinking about what you’re doing in the third person and wondering if it’s interesting enough to post on Facebook.

E.g.  As Josh picked a large ball of lint from his belly button, he thought to himself, “Josh is picking a large ball of lint from his belly button.”