Why don’t you believe you?

Back in highschool, a friend had a party at his parents’ house while they were away.  Some time after the party started, another friend showed up, which wasn’t a surprise because we were expecting him.  What was a surprise, however, was that he joined the party on the back porch, picked a seat away from the crowd, and sat silently for a while before getting up and leaving.

We didn’t know where he went, but it was a big party, full of distractions, and we let it go.  I found out later, though, that before he had gotten to the party he had done shrooms for the first time.  As he sat on the back porch, he watched as the people in the chairs around him began to levitate off the deck.  He simply could not convince himself it wasn’t really happening, so he freaked out.

And I understand.  Because this happens to me in life.  A feeling arises, even whelms, and my analytical mind immediately ascribes to it a source – whether a person or an event or a perceived reality.  And sometimes, once my mind makes this connection, it won’t let go, even when I come to understand and KNOW that this person/event/reality is NOT actually the cause of this feeling.  Like my partygoer friend in highschool, I simply cannot convince myself of what I know is true.  The illusion is too strong, and it has me.

What happened to my friend back at that party?  He went inside, called his parents, and told them everything.  They picked him up and brought him to the hospital, where he had his stomach pumped.  Awkward?  Yes.  Cause for a grounding?  Yes.  But effective in helping him to lose his illusions?  Most certainly.

I sometimes can’t help but wish there were some easy equivalent, for those of us who don’t have hallucinogenic drugs in our stomachs.

Or maybe that’s the problem.

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